That Postpartum Mama Life

In honor of my 3rd Mother’s Day, I would like to share with all the mamas out there needing to know- it’s okay to not be okay in the transformative experience of mamahood. I hope to eventually share my experience with pregnancy and birth… but all in due time.

There is much-needed preparation that goes into becoming pregnant, enduring/ thriving through pregnancy, and the immediate postpartum periods of motherhood.

From my own experience, I would love to share some of the things I wish I had known before even considering to become a mother! If you have not prepared emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually for parenthood/ mamahood…. I highly recommend you do. Please read just the bold pointers for a quick list if needed.

• Faith: If you are a believer, please seek a deeper relationship and really delve deep into His Word. There is so much wisdom about becoming a parent in Scripture and how to simultaneously honor our relationship with our parents. I am so richly blessed to have my faith get me through the last 3 years of this life-changing transformation. I could not have battled postpartum anxiety and depression without my faith and I hope if you have faith in God, and if you do not, consider seeking wisdom from the Word of God in the Holy Bible. I experienced an ocean of love and grace and mercy becoming a mother. I could in a small way relate to Mary in the Bible, giving birth to Jesus, the Son of God, and picturing the TREMENDOUS faith she must have had to surrender her maternal instincts to God’s will. Also… the love of God covers all my failings as a woman- and most especially as a mother.

• Birth and Postpartum Education!!!! Hopefully a no brainer because you may be required to do it by your care provider... but I cannot emphasize this enough…. Please consider investing in this and/or even finding a free class. Also, please educate yourself WITH your partner (they are going to want to be just as educated). I can guarantee they will thank you and really appreciate the incredible amount of sacrifice you are enduring all the more. There are a lot of birth educating providers out there, so please do your homework as far as what kind of education you want to receive. We went with natural birth care providers and had beautiful hands on, face to face experience, wisdom, and knowledge shared with us both times. I personally wish I had done more WAY, WAY before signing up for pregnancy, birth and postpartum.

Do it, DO it, DO IT (soft to loud chanting voice)!

• What's the sex?: it’s a boy! It’s a girl!: Finding out I was having a son my first pregnancy and a daughter this second time was exciting and scary at the same time. Being one of five sisters I was secretly elated I was having a son in my first pregnancy and so happily welcomed the notion. Although I did struggle coming to terms with expecting a girl this second time I have overcome the shame and started to experience the incredible providence of having brought a beautiful girl into this world. I want to make mention the notion of having a girl brought up a lot of unresolved/ processed trauma of losing one of my sisters. I had not heard of possibly having trouble with accepting the sex of my expected baby.

• Mental Health: Please seek mental, emotional and physical support. These hormones are no joke. If you are predisposed to depression or anxiety, please consider informing yourself on the much needed support you will need throughout pregnancy, birth, and postpartum. Please include your partner/ support team in the journey. I have learned the hard way it is a very much a needed investment to seek therapy along this journey. Did you know what a mother wound is... and that pre-natal depression is a thing? Listen... do not get me started... (I hope to share more soon about my mental health struggles in this mamahood journey).

My pregnancies were night and day difference due to the work I did to prepare for the life and mind altering adjustment of having my children had on my life. I am a completely different person than I was, and despite my struggles I am strong- and so are you.

• Physical: The incredible changes you experience as a mother are… simply daunting. I did not anticipate actually being someone who would ever struggle with losing weight and having to worry how to gain it during pregnancy (maintaining a healthy intake of nutrients and foods alone was overwhelming). I know I am one of few women and many will say it was the complete opposite experience. Regardless of what the challenges you face with your growing womb, please do see yourself as a beautiful life giver! That comes with the weight fluctuations, boob pain/growth, stretch-marks, so many changes, and surmounts to be an incredibly UNIQUE physical transformation your body was meant to do! Try to embrace it. You are strong and you are beautiful

• P***Y POWER!!! | Pelvic Floor: The beautiful and powerful flower you may call your vagina will need to be cared for… you heard me- please seek out pelvic floor education, especially if you have any plans to do physical exercise. Do plan to go on lots of walks, hit squats, stretch and/or whatever routine you had going on before pregnancy with clearance from your care provider! Your beautiful and powerful flower will thank you.

• Nutrition, Vitamins and Supplements: AHHHH Honestly I wish I had known how sick I was going to become both pregnancies…. It would have been the best spoiler of my life. I had to navigate nausea and vomiting most of my pregnancies. Thus the drastic loss of weight… (I know I feel bad “complaining” but it does come as a warning). If you are a foodie like me, I had pictured myself INDULGING!!! But not so fast, that is not what happened for me. The mere mention or smell of certain things kept any appetite at bay. And LET ME TELL YOU, not eating normally for 20 months of my life really put a wrench in the whole operation. The assembled chefs, consisting of my husband, sister, and AMAZINGLY gifted mama in-law, had a hard time keeping me alive. I cannot imagine what I had done if I hadn’t had their support… so plan ahead, loves. Seek support and just eat… whatever you manage to eat without shame and I pray, without disgust if you experience nausea

• Breastfeeding / Nursing: Please, please plan for this if you want to breastfeed your baby/babies. From day one, the tingly pain and changes in your beautiful boobs will start with pregnancy and end with the used flabby MILK FACTORY aftermath of breastfeeding. Know what you are signing up for. I was so lucky to have immediate lactation support after both births available to me, and this gave me the guidance and encouragement to be on my currently-successful breastfeeding journey with both babes. Did you know there are lip and tongue ties?! I did not… so consider investing in a class or check out La Leche League!

I would not trade being to breastfeed or nurse for the WORLD, but I know and have heard a lot of mama's who could not. That is your own personal CHOICE and I hope you let no one bring shame upon that very personal decision on how to nourish your baby.

• Placenta plans: So… what are you doing with that incredible organ your body grew to nourish your precious baby?! Do your research and make plans! I highly recommend encapsulation from personal experience (always happy to share more), but there are so many incredible ways to honor yourself. Figure out what you want to do.

• Sleep plans: I know trying to rest, and sleep when possible (“sleep when baby sleeps… blah blah” is annoying because I honestly cannot follow that advice) but please consider planning your sleep routine. It literally makes life or death differences in your recovery, your child(ren’s) development and the family’s overall health. I would even pay a postpartum doula or a trusted family member if I could. We had the option of my incredible mama-in-law who was dying to cuddle those babies, so we were blessed during post-birth recovery. To give you an idea- Azriel’s birth was a long, stressful, traumatizing, arduous 18 hours of labor, while Athena surprised us with 4 miraculous, glorious hours of labor. I am telling you... never has sleep felt so sweet.

• Visitors: Regardless of what sleep you do or do not get, guard your space after birth. You just did the most incredible physical performance of your life… natural or not.. The babymoon is sacred. It is called the sacred 40 days of postpartum by many wise women for a reason. It is meant for bonding, rest, and a peaceful adjustment period for mama, baby, and of course papa. Please consider what you are going to be up for and do not make promises to have anyone you are not comfortable in that space there. Everyone can wait- this is a SACRED time.

• Nature | Sun Bathe: The mindful and almost spiritual/euphoric practice of going outside in the sun and being in nature will help you during pregnancy and postpartum. If you are not ready to wander out, out after giving birth, then maybe sit under the rising golden hours or twilight sun soaking in the soft, gentle rays. It is so good for your baby as well to spend that time acclimating to the natural sunlight.

• Exercise your mind: Creating, doing something creative! Anything! Write, color/paint, photograph, or even read! Postpartum can be a very special time to reflect and create from the deepest parts of your heart. This time for me has been pivotal in pushing me to want to create out of a space of growth and love.

• Acceptance: Take time to thank God, and thank yourself for the willingness to be doing what you are doing as a growing person (with a little life form growing inside of you). Outside of all the emotional mental and physical turmoil surrounding postpartum with Azriel and during the pregnancy with Athena, I am thankful to be their mother. I know they CHOSE me and I get to CHOOSE to love them and raise them well every day. It is a joy and privilege. I would do it all over again. Perhaps with a little more information. I will say, the following things are getting me through this season of lifelong postpartum:

• Play: It comes very naturally… we “baby-talk and coo” and we have a childlike wonder when we first meet those precious little babies. It transforms YOU and THEM. With my babies I spent all the time I could staring, high pitch squealing gleefully and cooing, to “goo-goo-gah-gah-ing” to them- or repeating back whatever phrases my 2-year-old chants back to me. All the while taking in the wonder of their growth.

• Village: I mentioned this earlier, but seek out a village or know who they are. I know not every mama has the full-on support of every immediate family member. I did not have my own mother readily available to me, and this came with a lot of emotional challenges to me at the time. Ask and seek support from your partner, a trusted birth provider, seek out trusted and recommended pediatric care, trusted family and friends. Stay open-minded to who could be a part of your village, and trust God will send people when you least expect it to support and grow alongside you.

• Healthy growing: Remember that you grew them and continue to get them where they will be. Do some research on their milestones and be gentle. Do not compare your babies to others. Those are just nice parameters to be aware of. When in doubt, reach out to your most trusted village members.

I hope that you will have a very well-informed pregnancy, birth and postpartum experience.

Thank you for taking the time to read, and please do share if I can add anything that could be beneficial to expectant mamas and papas! I welcome if you just want to share too. :)