Becoming mamá, part 1:

Azriel Luno-río. The name of our first son.

Photo taken by Danilda Martinez, my husband's tia of us expecting our first son, at a park in Greenacres, Florida.

Azriel Luno-río is the name my dear thoughtful husband and I took almost 8 months to call the little life forming in my womb. The womb nickname we had for him (we found out around 20 weeks) was “Bebes” and we stuck with it for a long, long while. I felt something was shifting within me from the second I realized, “oh my… I’m pregnant.” I knew instantly and took two pregnancy tests from Dollar Tree. The second one was to confirm and show my husband. From the second I knew, I was forever changed. Also, that I would continue to change and transition- a becoming, if you will.

I became a mamá instantly in body, mind, and spirit/soul. Yet I was not expecting to experience a mental, emotional, and physical transformation in the process.

I processed my first pregnancy with a lot of anticipation and joy. I had very few preconceived notions of what it would be like to become a mamá. I saw my own mother, seemingly effortlessly mother us and love every minute. Yet of course there were some normal fears and a deep intuition that everything was changing. I honestly did very little to prepare for birth and post-partum besides the usual hustle and bustle of doing what I was told I should probably do:

1. Find a prenatal provider you align to and consider postpartum care

2. Create a nest, or create a safe space for the baby

3. Educate on pre-natal care and birth practices

4. Start to balance family, work, growing a baby

5. Try to gracefully manage anxiety, or fears of all the oncoming changes

The last one may sound a little silly but I had to fight and overcome my anxiety and emotional triggers daily. I was not prepared for the beautiful ebb and flow of the hormones that come with becoming a mamá. It was a roller coaster, and a very long 9-10 months of constant changes. I hope to share vulnerably as I invite other women who may struggle in their journey to becoming mothers.

I wish I had known much more than I knew before I actually tried to conceive and would have my precious baby in my arms. I really imagined becoming a mother and partner in the parenthood journey to be a much simpler process than it presented to be for myself.

I was in for a lot of surprises and I truly wish I could have prepared myself a little more. Here are some of the things I wish I had prepared for:

1. My mental, emotional, and physical well being

2. Prioritize postpartum than just the actual pregnancy and birth

3. The transformation from being a husband and wife, to a mamá and papá team

4. Career changes or FMLA in the United States, where we live

5. Learning a balance of self care and the call to becoming a mother

Despite all that and then some, I know perhaps it just was not something I could prepare for in that season. My husband and I were so very blessed to try to get pregnant the first time and it just miraculously happening. I do not take that for granted. The period of pregnancy with Azriel was magical and lovely. When it came to our birth story we experienced a very unexpected turn of events, and despite some of the trauma I have associated with birth there was so much I learned. I would be more than willing to share that as I continue to process my experience.

I went six months into postpartum saying, “I could never or will never do that again” (pregnancy and birth) to finally accepting “Yes, yes I could”. I sought help for the trauma I experienced, and started to process the complexities of becoming a mother.

I began a long journey of finding balance between my mental, emotional and physical self. It really made a difference and helped define some of my second pregnancy.

I will share with all first time mothers if they are willing to listen: do your work ahead of time.

It is not fair to yourself and your partner to endeavor parenthood without knowing what could be in store for you mentally, emotionally and physically.

Every ounce of strength, character and union will be challenged in becoming mamá and papá. It not only changed my life but transformed my heart, mind and spirit/soul.

#becomingmama #motherhood #parenthood #prenatalcare #postpartum #sacred40